Or completely useless.

Like there’s a clear rule somewhere: always write one, or never bother.

Most of the time, it depends on what the recruiter is trying to figure out when they open your application.

Just like with your CV, they’re not reading everything from top to bottom.

They’re trying to answer a few questions quickly.

Does this profile make sense for the role?, Is there anything unclear here?, Do I understand this person’s story?

If the CV already answers those questions, a cover letter might not even get opened.

But when something doesn’t fully click…That’s usually when the cover letter comes in.

✦ ✧ ✦

When your CV leaves question marks

One thing I’ve noticed when reviewing applications is that sometimes a CV looks strong, but not entirely clear.

Maybe someone moved from a senior role into a more junior one. Maybe there’s a gap. Maybe the experience is good, but the link to this specific role isn’t obvious yet.

In those cases, the recruiter is trying to understand:

Why this role?

If that answer doesn’t come through clearly on the CV, they’ll often look for it somewhere else.

That’s usually where the cover letter can help, because it can connect the dots.

✦ ✧ ✦

When cover letters actually help

From my experience, they tend to matter more in a few specific situations.

When you’re changing roles or industries, when your experience doesn’t follow a straight line, or when your CV raises a small question that needs context.

I remember one candidate who, on paper, looked overqualified for the role.

She had been managing a team for a few years, and then applied for a more junior, hands-on position.

At first glance, it didn’t fully make sense.

But in a few lines in her cover letter, she explained that she wanted to step away from management and focus on building technical skills again, especially in a new area she hadn’t had the chance to explore before.

So that was enough to understand what she was looking for and move her forward in the process.

✦ ✧ ✦

And when they don’t

On the other side, there are times when cover letters don’t really change much.

High volume roles, large companies, hundreds of applications coming in.

In those cases, recruiters are usually focusing on the CV only. Mostly because of time.

I’ve even seen hiring managers question whether cover letters are still useful, especially now that many of them start to sound very similar because of AI.

Some teams have removed them as a required step altogether, particularly when they’re struggling to find qualified candidates.

So if your CV is already clear, a cover letter might not add much. Especially in roles, where you’re one of many applicants being reviewed quickly.

✦ ✧ ✦

Keeping it simple

A lot of people overthink this part. They spend too much time trying to make it sound perfect, or even talk themselves out of applying because they feel they don’t have the “right” cover letter.

So they end up writing long paragraphs, using very formal language, trying to sound more impressive.

Most of the time, that’s not what makes the difference. A few simple lines are enough.

Something like:

“I took a career break in 2024 to relocate and focus on [X]. I’m now looking to bring my experience in [Y] into a role like this.”

That already answers what the recruiter might be wondering and that’s really the goal.

✦ ✧ ✦

Quick check

If you’re currently applying and wondering whether to write one, you can keep it simple.

Ask yourself:

• Does my CV already explain my story clearly?

• Or would someone have to guess parts of it?

• Would a few lines help connect the dots?

If the answer is yes, it’s probably worth writing one.

If not, your energy might be better spent adjusting your CV.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

Before working in recruitment, I thought cover letters were either the most important part of an application or something no one really reads.

In reality, they sit somewhere in between.

They’re not the thing that gets you hired, but sometimes, they’re the thing that makes your application make sense.

So if your path isn’t perfectly linear, or your CV feels like it needs a bit of explanation, you don’t need to hide that.

You just need to make it easier for the hiring team to understand.

Honestly? That’s often what makes you stand out.

If you’re unsure how your cover letter comes across, subscribers can always send it over. I’m happy to take a look. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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Like a professor grading a final exam at university, but that’s not really how it works.

Most of the time, someone opens your CV and is trying to answer a few questions very quickly.

What role does this person want? Have they done something similar before? And can I picture them doing this job?

If those answers appear quickly, your CV immediately becomes easier to move forward.

That’s what you want. You want to make it easy for someone to put you in that first batch of candidates who get moved to the initial screen.

Because hiring moves fast and that first batch usually has the highest chances.

So I wouldn’t just try to make my CV look impressive or squeeze in every task and every job I’ve had over the last couple of years.

I’d focus on making it easier to understand and easier to scan.

If you’re job searching right now, this part will help.

No clear summary section at the top

One thing I notice when reading the CVs you send me is that many jump straight into experience or education.

Which is useful, by the way.

But sometimes there isn’t a simple section at the top that explaining what role you’re actually targeting or what your next step is.

So the recruiter has to start reading the whole CV just to figure that out.

And again remember, hiring often moves quickly.

Most of the time someone opens your CV and scans the first part trying to understand:

Is this role a fit for this person?

A short section at the top can help a lot here.

For example:

“Finance graduate with internship experience in trading and financial markets, now looking for junior analyst roles”.

It doesn’t need to be long.

It just needs to show what you’re aiming for.

✦ ✧ ✦

Trying to show everything you’ve ever done

When you send me your CVs, I keep seeing the same pattern.

Trying to show the full picture, including every project, every task and every single responsibility.

Which makes sense. You’ve worked hard and you want it to count.

However… too many details can make things harder to follow.

Marketing experience, operations work, some analytics, maybe a bit of project coordination.

All valid, but it can also make the recruiter pause and wonder:

What role is this person actually targeting? Why did they apply to this specific role?

And once someone has to start figuring that out themselves, your chances are already a bit slimmer.

Your CV doesn’t need to explain everything you’ve ever done.

It just needs to make the next step you’re applying for obvious.

✦ ✧ ✦

The long skills section

Another thing I see quite often is very long skills sections.

Think like ten tools, fifteen skills, sometimes even more.

Excel, PowerPoint, communication, teamwork, leadership, time management…

Again, none of these are wrong.

But, when everything appears on the list, it becomes harder to see what actually matters for the role you’re applying to.

(And let’s be honest… who doesn’t really know how to use PowerPoint or Word in 2026?!)

Most recruiters are not trying to understand everything you can possibly do.

They’re quickly looking for one thing:

Do the key skills for this role show up clearly on the page?

If you’re applying for a software engineer role, things like programming languages should stand out.

If you’re applying for an analyst role, skills around data or Excel should be easy to spot.

The goal isn’t to show every skill you’ve ever used.

It’s to make the relevant ones obvious.

✦ ✧ ✦

Quick CV check

Honestly? I could probably go on and on with CV advice.

There are many small things that can be improved, adjusted or written a bit differently.

Most of the time the problem isn’t qualifications.

It’s just that the experience is harder to understand than it needs to be.

So here’s a quick check you can do right now:

Open your CV and look at the top half of the page.

Ask yourself:

• Is it obvious what role I’m aiming for?

• Would someone quickly understand what I actually did in my last role?

• Are the key skills for the job easy to spot?

If the answers are clear, you’re already in a strong place.

If not, a few small edits are usually enough to make the whole profile easier to read.

And easier to move forward.

Big sister note

Before I sat on the recruitment side, I genuinely thought CVs were mostly about proving you’re qualified.

And yes… qualifications matter.

However, most of the time recruiters and hiring managers are already placing you somewhere in their head.

There’s the : yes, this looks relevant, let’s reach out.

Then the: interesting, let’s keep them in the process.

Or sometimes: not quite the fit for this role.

So if you’re currently staring at your CV wondering where you fall in that list… don’t panic.

You probably don’t need to reinvent every section. Just a few small edits are enough to move your CV into the “let’s reach out” pile.

If you need a second pair of eyes on your CV, subscribers can always send it over. I’m always happy to help. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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And before I even open it, I usually already have a guess.

Because I’ve seen how fast early screening actually works.

A recruiter opens your CV and they scan super fast. They’re trying to understand in seconds if you fit into the role.

If it clicks, you move forward. If it doesn’t, you don’t. That’s it.

Most of those early rejections are about confusion.

So if you’re applying and hearing “we’ve decided to move forward with other candidates…” on repeat, here are the patterns I usually see and what to change.

The first thing I usually see

Your CV isn’t clear about what you actually want.

You might have strong experience, but when I read it, I can’t tell in seconds what role you’re aiming for.

Sometimes it looks like this for example:

A bit of HR, some recruitment, some operations, some project support.

And in general a little bit of everything.

Your CV looks decent, but not obvious.

And early screening is about being easy to imagine in the role.

No recruiter has the time (even if they wanted to) to sit there decoding your potential.

They’re scanning in seconds and thinking:

“Does this person make sense for this role?”, “If I move them forward, will the hiring manager immediately get it?”

If they have to think too hard, they move on.

So before you rewrite another bullet point, decide what role you’re actually targeting.

Not “anything in my field”, or “open to opportunities” and definitely not “open to anything in X industry”.

One direction.

Then adjust your CV so everything points there.

When it’s clear where you fit, it’s easier to move you forward.

And easy gets interviews.

✦ ✧ ✦

The second pattern

Your CV is full of responsibilities.

“I supported X processes”, “I was responsible for stakeholder communication”, “I helped manage projects”.

Okay… But what actually changed because of you?

This is where most CVs stop standing out.

You describe what you were part of and you “assisted/ supported/ helped”.

From the recruiter side, that’s tricky.

In the sense that no one is hiring for “general support”.

They’re hiring someone to fix something, improve something and make something run better.

If your bullets don’t show that, it’s hard to picture you doing it.

So instead of writing what you were responsible for, write what changed because you were there.

What improved?

What did you organize that wasn’t organized before?

What did you take ownership of?

Even small changes count.

Impact always beats “assisted with”.

✦ ✧ ✦

The third pattern

Your CV and the jobs you’re applying to don’t fully match.

Sometimes the CV is strong, but it’s strong for a different role.

For example:

You’re applying to Talent Acquisition roles, but most of your CV reads like HR operations. Or you’re applying to mid-level positions, but your CV still sounds junior.

From the recruiter side, that’s where the hesitation kicks in.

And at this stage? It usually means… no interview.

Recruiters don’t have the time to stretch your experience for you.

They’re not thinking, “Well… if we reinterpret this bullet and assume she meant…”

They’re thinking, “Does this profile clearly fit what we need?”

If the fit isn’t obvious, they move on.

So before you apply to 20 more roles, pause.

Does your CV clearly reflect the type of job you’re targeting?

The job you can realistically show you can do on paper today.

If you’re pivoting, where are the transferable skills that make that pivot make sense?

If you’re applying one level up, where are the responsibilities that prove you’re already operating there?

You can’t expect recruiters to connect the dots. You have to draw them.

The fourth pattern?

You’re adding things that don’t help you and sometimes they quietly hurt you, without realising.

For example:

Long lists of soft skills, like “Hardworking”, “Team player”, “Motivated”.

Recruiters don’t really screen for soft skills on a CV. They screen for proof you can do the job.

So if your CV already shows your experience clearly, you don’t need a paragraph of soft skills.

Another one I see a lot?

Too much history. So much background that the important parts start to blur.

If you have 1-2 years of professional experience and a master’s degree, your high school job doesn’t need to be there anymore.

It’s not wrong, but it just doesn’t really add anything.

And then there’s the photo.

I know in some countries it’s common, but you don’t know who’s screening your CV and you definitely don’t know their biases.

You don’t need to open that door if you don’t have to.

The top of the funnel is about keeping things clear and simple.

The more extra information you add (that isn’t directly strengthening your case), the more space you create for distraction, bias, or doubt.

Your CV isn’t your autobiography (even though it feels like one).

It’s a positioning document. Only include what strengthens your case for this role.

Make it easy for them to say yes.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

If you’re not getting interviews, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re not good enough.

Most of the time, it means something on your CV isn’t landing the way it should.

It’s almost always positioning, impact, or alignment.

And the frustrating part?

No one tells you which one it is.

So you just keep applying. Refreshing your inbox. Second-guessing yourself.

That’s exhausting, I get it.

And that’s exactly why I’ve been offering free CV reviews for my subscribers lately.

Actual recruiter-side eyes on your document, not generic feedback.

If you’ve been staring at your CV like it personally betrayed you… Reply to this email or message me on LinkedIn with your CV and the roles you’re targeting. I’ll be reviewing a limited number this week.

I can’t promise magic, but I can promise clear, actionable changes you can make immediately. ✨

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Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

I used to believe that if you prepared well and showed up trying your best, interview outcomes would reflect that.

Well… that’s not really how it works.

Have you ever hung up a call already picturing yourself in the role? Mentally negotiating the salary. Planning how you’ll ask for more time because you’re in other processes too.

And then the next day? “Thank you so much for your time, but we’ve decided to move forward with another candidate”.

I’ve watched strong candidates not move forward because they didn’t fully understand what interviews are actually testing.

And yes, there’s more to it than just spending hours preparing.

So if I had to approach interviews again, I wouldn’t just try harder. I’d prepare differently.

And if you’re in interview stages right now, this is the part most candidates never get told.

✦ ✧ ✦

If I could redo interviews from scratch, this is how I’d do it

The first thing I would lock in is my introduction.

I didn’t realize how much the first few minutes matter until I was sitting on the other side watching it happen in real time.

By the time you join the call, interviewers have already spoken to a handful of solid candidates. You’re not the only person they liked on paper and opinions start forming faster than you think.

I’ve seen really capable candidates stumble in the first few minutes just because nerves kicked in.

So? I’d walk in with a clear intro prepared for every role.

I wouldn’t memorize it word for word and I definitely wouldn’t read it off my notes and sound robotic.

Just structured enough that when nerves hit, I don’t start talking in circles and stress myself out even more.

Those first few minutes don’t decide everything, but they absolutely set the tone.

✦ ✧ ✦

The next thing I would change is how I handle silence.

I didn’t realize how much over-talking hurts until I was sitting on the other side.

When you’re in the interview, it’s easy to feel like you need to keep talking.

So you add more. One more example. One more explanation. One more detail.

But from the other side, that doesn’t always land the way you think it does.

I’ve seen answers lose their point simply because someone kept going. I’ve done it myself.

And once it happens, it’s hard to mentally pull it back.

So now? I’d answer the question and stop.

Let it land. Let the interviewer decide what they want to explore next.

It might feel awkward, yes. But I wouldn’t add more just because the silence feels uncomfortable.

Clear answer. Pause.

That pause usually lands better than adding five extra sentences.

✦ ✧ ✦

Another thing I would prepare differently is how I handle questions under pressure.

When something unexpected comes up, it’s easy to panic and start talking your way through it.

Especially when you’re already stressed. But you don’t have to rush.

You can say, “That’s a great question. Let me think about that for a moment”.

You can take a sip of water.

No one is judging you for taking a breath before answering.

They’re not timing you. Interviews mess with your nerves.

Sometimes your better answer comes after that first wave of panic passes.

It’s also completely fine to say, “Going back to your earlier question about X, I thought about it a bit more and I’d like to add this”.

And no, it doesn’t weaken your answer. It shows you’re actually thinking.

Thinking clearly is stronger than reacting quickly.

✦ ✧ ✦

Another thing I would change is this: I’d stop saving my energy for the “perfect” job.

I used to think interviews were only worth it if I was genuinely excited about the role. If I didn’t love it, why prepare like crazy?

Now? I’d take the interview anyway and prepare like it is my dream job.

You don’t get good at interviews by waiting for your dream job. You get good by doing interviews.

Your first few will feel awkward, you’ll talk too fast, you’ll hang up and replay the conversation thinking of better answers.

That’s normal. Interviews are reps.

You don’t walk into the gym and lift 100kg on day one. You build up. Same thing here.

The more interviews you do, the more confident you become.

And confidence shows up in small ways, in your tone, your pacing, how quickly you answer.

When you sound confident, you start to feel like the obvious choice.

That’s what usually keeps you in the process.

✦ ✧ ✦

The last thing I would prepare differently is my examples.

The moment you say something like “I improved the process” or “I led a project”, you can almost predict what’s coming next:

How? When? What did you actually do? What changed because of you?

That’s when things get real.

I’ve seen strong candidates stumble right there. Because their examples feel too vague or too “high level”.

You say you led something, but no one can really tell what you actually did.

And that’s when someone jumps in with, “Can you walk us through that?”

So I’d walk in with a few specific stories ready.

I wouldn’t have them memorized, just clear in my head:

What was the situation. What I personally handled. What changed.

When an example is specific, no one has to guess what you did.

It just makes sense.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

Before I sat in hiring rooms, I genuinely thought interviews were about doing your best and hoping it showed, but that’s only part of it.

No one tells you how much those first few minutes matter, or that talking longer doesn’t always help. Or that broad answers make it harder for people to trust what you’re saying.

You’re told to “be confident” and “just be yourself”, but no one explains how fast people make up their minds.

It’s not always fair, but it’s usually predictable.

Once you understand how it really works, you stop walking in hoping it goes well.

You walk in knowing what to do.✨

✦ ✧ ✦

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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I genuinely used to believe that if you prepared well enough, the process would move fairly.

But it doesn’t really work like that. It just moves… fast.

I’ve watched hiring managers skim profiles and decide who feels clear within minutes. I’ve seen strong candidates stall because they sounded uncertain for a moment. I’ve seen someone move forward simply because their experience made sense right away.

Hiring is less about who deserves it most and more about who feels easiest to move forward.

So if I had to start again tomorrow, I wouldn’t just try harder. I’d move differently.

And if you’re in it right now…just keep reading.

So here’s what I’d do differently

The first thing I would stop doing immediately is answering recruiter calls unprepared.

I used to think picking up instantly showed enthusiasm. Like, look at me, I’m responsive, I’m serious, I care.

Meanwhile you’ve applied to 37 roles that week alone and barely remember which one this was.

The slightly generic answers because you’re trying to piece it together in real time? The “sorry, could you remind me the role?”

Yes, that gets written down on your scorecard and passed on the hiring manager.

So now? If a recruiter calls unexpectedly, you can say something simple:

“Hi! I’m actually stepping into something. Could I call you back in 30 minutes?”

Then you open the job posting. Re-read the responsibilities and remind yourself what you liked about it. Check the company again and find one specific thing you can mention.

It’s the same conversation, but you’re not scrambling. Prepared is calm and calm moves you to the next round.

✦ ✧ ✦

The next thing I would stop doing is waiting for my CV to feel perfect.

I used to treat applications like assignments. I’d save the job, tweak wording for days, rewrite one bullet five times, overthink whether a sentence sounded impressive enough.

Meanwhile, shortlists were already forming.

Hiring moves quickly at the beginning. The first strong profiles set the tone. Once a few candidates feel solid, new ones aren’t always given the same attention.

So two extra days of polishing your CV? No, not anymore.

If I were doing this again, I would have two or three strong base CVs aligned to the roles I’m targeting. I wouldn’t go for one “universal” version. Just a couple of clean, clear and ready-to-send ones for roles I can actually see myself in.

Then I’d apply within 24 hours and let it go.

✦ ✧ ✦

Another thing I would stop doing is self-rejecting.

I’ve seen how often women read a job description like it’s a legal contract. Two years required means exactly two years. Five years means you better have five and a half. “Mandatory” suddenly feels like a warning sign.

Meanwhile, I’ve watched hiring managers toss those same requirements aside in seconds for someone who simply feels strong.

Job descriptions are more like wishlists. They’re written for ideal scenarios.

If a role asks for two years and you have six months of an internship, apply.

If it asks for five and you have three solid ones, apply.

Two of my most competitive offers came from processes I almost didn’t enter because I thought… “there’s no way I’m gonna be considered.”

You don’t get disqualified for trying. You disqualify yourself when you don’t apply at all.

✦ ✧ ✦

Another thing I would stop doing is over-explaining.

Especially when a recruiter asks, “Are you interviewing elsewhere?”

I used to share everything. Stages. Company names. Whether something had fallen through.

It felt honest, open and professional.

But when you’re inside the room, you realize that every piece of information adds context. Sometimes helpful and sometimes unnecessary.

So if you say you were in final stages somewhere and it didn’t work out, some interviewers will subconsciously wonder why. If you sound too available, urgency drops.

You don’t need to lie, but you just need to keep it simple.

“Yes, I’m exploring a few opportunities and being thoughtful about next steps.”

That’s enough. You are allowed to keep the rest private. Professional doesn’t mean exposed.

The more I’ve seen how quickly perceptions form, the more I understand that being specific builds trust, but oversharing doesn’t.

✦ ✧ ✦

Another thing I would always do is prepare better questions.

And I’d stop asking, “What’s the culture like?”

You’ll get the same answer almost everywhere. Collaborative, supportive, great people etc.

Instead, I’d check the interviewer’s LinkedIn before the interview. Look at their path and check for how long they’ve been in the role or industry.

Then I’d ask something specific.

“What made you join this team?”

“What’s surprised you most about working here?”

“What advice would you give someone stepping into this role/company?”

You can’t imagine how much information you get from those answers.

And it shows you’ve done your homework and you are genuinely interested.

Interviewers remember that.

Big sister note

Before I was on the recruitment side, I genuinely thought being prepared and qualified was the whole game, but that’s just part of it.

No one teaches you that hiring moves fast or that oversharing can quietly cost you leverage. Or that not asking questions can come across as disinterest.

You’re just told to try your best and stay positive, but no one talks about strategy.

Now you know.

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

And since you’ve made it all the way here… Next week, I’m going to offer a few free 1:1 calls to anyone who’s job searching right now. Just as a small way to give back. I’ll share the details with subscribers soon. 😌

If you’re not on the list yet, now might be a good time.

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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It wasn’t really “this market is awful”. It was about everything around it.

“I feel kind of helpless”.

“I think I chose the wrong path and now I’m trying to transition”.

“I feel behind everyone else, even though the market is clearly a mess”.

What struck me was how similar these messages were, even though they came from people with completely different backgrounds, industries and paths.

At some point, you realise this can’t all be personal.

Something bigger changed and no one told us.

Most of us grew up with a very clear script.

Get a good degree, find a solid job, stay there, build your life around it.

That story wasn’t really wrong. It just made sense for a different economy.

Now the math doesn’t add up the same way. Salaries haven’t caught up, everything costs more and jobs feel less stable than we were promised. Even the roles that look great on paper can come with cultures that slowly wear you down and make you feel a bit less like yourself.

And somehow, we still turn around and blame ourselves.

I keep seeing the same themes come up. Women who are smart, capable and exhausted. Replaying past choices. Debating whether to stay, leave or start over. Wanting a job, but not really wanting this version of work anymore.

What comes through most is confusion. And the feeling that somehow everyone else got the memo.

When the outcome we were promised doesn’t show up, we assume we’re late or that we missed something. But that’s not really it.

The rules changed.

✦ ✧ ✦

So what do we do instead?

First: stop trying to force your life into a timeline that doesn’t fit

“Am I behind?” is basically a trap question. It assumes there’s one correct schedule and you missed it.

A better question is: what am dealing with right now?

A market that’s all over the place. Jobs feeling way less stable than we were told. And a lot more uncertainty than anyone signed up for.

So you try something. It doesn’t work the way you hoped. You adjust.

This is just how things move now.

Second: stop panicking over every pause like it’s a career crime

Gaps. Pivots. Periods of confusion.

These aren’t signs you’ve ruined your chances. Most of the time, they mean you noticed something wasn’t working and chose to respond instead of staying stuck.

What matters more now isn’t having a perfectly polished story.

It’s being able to explain an imperfect one clearly.

Third: widen what you call progress

Progress isn’t only a new title or a promotion.

Sometimes it’s choosing less chaos. Sometimes it’s leaving a job that looked good but felt wrong. Sometimes it’s staying put while you get your energy back.

None of that looks impressive online. But it’s still progress!!!

✦ ✧ ✦

Stop getting stuck in the question “Is it just me?”

It really isn’t.

When this many people feel stuck at once, it’s not a coincidence.

What actually helps is adjusting expectations, having better language for what’s happening and being more honest about what this phase really looks like.

You don’t need the full plan. Just what makes sense to do this month.

That might look like updating your CV, or talking things through with someone you trust. Or applying to fewer roles, more intentionally. Or staying where you are for a bit and getting your energy back.

All of that counts.

And from the hiring side, this is usually where people do better: calmer and clearer about what they want.

Big sister note

Honestly? This moment of questioning your path isn’t a one-time thing.

Once it really sinks in that this is your life, things start to feel clearer.

No one is actually keeping score of when you change jobs, how long it takes to land the next one, or whether you switch paths or start over somewhere new.

Most people are too busy trying to keep their own lives together.

If you stop treating every career move like it defines you forever, you start showing up differently. More intentional and less panicked.

You’re not behind. You’re adapting.

That’s the skill now. (And yes, I’m absolutely adding it to my CV ✨)

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

And if you don’t feel like typing, I added a short poll below 👇

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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“Why don’t recruiters reply to messages on LinkedIn?”

If you’re thinking, “It’s because they don’t care,” that’s understandable. But that’s not really it.

The real answer is a bit more uncomfortable.

Most of the time, silence isn’t personal. But some messages make it genuinely hard to respond.

The messages I don’t reply to (and why)

I’ll start with this one, because it’s the most common.

If you message me with the wrong name, or something like “Hi [insert name of recruiter here]”, I probably won’t reply.

It’s not about being offended. It’s a pretty strong signal that the message was copied and pasted without even changing the name, whether that’s to multiple recruiters or straight from ChatGPT.

And if someone didn’t spend 10 seconds doing that, it’s hard to justify spending a minute replying.

The same pattern shows up in another way

Messages like:

“Hi, I’m interested in X industry. Here’s my CV, let me know if you know of any roles.”

What you might not realise is that as a recruiter, I hire for specific roles, at a specific company, at a specific moment in time.

It’s a bit like asking your landlord if they know of any apartments available anywhere in the city. They know their buildings, not the whole market.

So no, I usually don’t know of “any roles” across the market, simply because I don’t have visibility into that.

When someone sends a CV with no role, no context and no clear ask, I often can’t help, even if I genuinely want to.

And I understand why messages like this happen.

Job searching right now is confusing. Applications disappear, timelines might stretch and silence from hiring teams becomes normal. Reaching out can start to feel like the only way to get noticed.

Things usually fall part when that turns into too many messages instead of a clear one.

Why mass messaging rarely works

Right now, recruiters are receiving an overwhelming volume of messages.

When a role opens, it’s not unusual to see 100+ applications within minutes. On top of that, there are LinkedIn messages, follow-ups and the occasional “just checking in” from hiring managers, all landing at the same time.

So when something is copied and pasted, very vague, or followed up multiple times without adding any new context, it becomes genuinely hard to prioritise.

That doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means the message didn’t stand out in that moment.

Reaching out can help. Overdoing it usually doesn’t.

What actually makes recruiters reply

The messages most recruiters are likely to reply to are simple and specific.

They explain why you’re reaching out now and make it easy to understand where you fit.

For example:

“Hi X, I hope you’re well. I just applied for the [role name] at [company]. I’m particularly interested in the work your team is doing around [specific task/project] and would appreciate any insight you’re able to share about the process. Thanks for your time.”

That kind of message doesn’t demand anything.

It doesn’t create urgency. It just adds context.

Most of the time, recruiters still won’t have the capacity to give a detailed reply. But they might remember the name, or at least the context.

And when applications are reviewed or conversations happen with the hiring manager, that context often comes back into the room.

That’s how visibility usually works in real life.

✦ ✧ ✦

About following up

A polite follow-up is fine. Sometimes it’s even necessary.

Messages really do get buried. Like, really buried (recruiter inboxes are chaos!).

Tabs stay open. Priorities change. A thousand things happen inside a company at once. People fully intend to reply and then… life happens.

What usually doesn’t help is repeated follow-ups that don’t add anything new, especially when they come with urgency.

If you’ve followed up once and still haven’t heard back, that’s usually your cue to treat it as a closed loop and move on.

Silence isn’t always rejection, but it does tell you something.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

If this made you rethink the whole recruiter-messaging conversation, that’s a good thing.

Very few people actually explain how this works from the inside.

Recruitment isn’t a fairness contest. It’s people with full inboxes, changing priorities and very limited time.

A non-reply isn’t a statement about your talent. Most of the time, it’s just logistics.

So do the basics well. Reach out, be specific. Follow up once if it makes sense. Then move on without overthinking it.

You’re not here to chase strangers on LinkedIn. You’re here to make yourself visible, cringing a little while doing it. Yes, I know!

And yes. Send that message.

Even if it goes unanswered, even if someone tells you not to bother.

I’m here to say the opposite.

Once you’ve sent more of these than you’re comfortable admitting, it stops feeling personal.

You’ll be fine.

✦ ✧ ✦

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

I’ve also added a short poll below, mostly out of curiosity. 💌

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You apply, you interview, you’re evaluated fairly and eventually something works out.

That version does exist. But sometimes, there’s another one.

I know this because I’ve seen it from the inside.

When the process suddenly speeds up

I remember a time when a hiring manager already knew a candidate. They spoke to my manager, exchanged a few thoughts and that alone was enough to shift the pace.

The process started to change. Steps disappeared. Timelines shortened. Parts of the interview loop that were usually described as “non-negotiable” quietly became optional.

The person was qualified, without question. Whether they were clearly the strongest candidate on paper was harder to say.

What seemed to matter most in that moment wasn’t a single interview score or comparison, but the fact that they were already known and therefore felt like a safer decision.

✦ ✧ ✦

The part people rarely admit

There’s something about hiring that’s uncomfortable to say out loud.

Sometimes, you’re not completely convinced by a candidate. They’re fine. They meet most of the requirements. Nothing is actively wrong. But you also wouldn’t normally rush to an offer.

Then, in the middle of that uncertainty, you hear something small. That they’ve worked with someone you trust, or that a colleague knows them well or that they come recommended by someone whose judgment you respect.

And gradually, the uncertainty starts to feel smaller.

Not because connections replace competence, but because they reduce risk. Hiring is expensive, stressful, and deeply human work. When trust enters the picture, doubt often softens.

From the outside, this can look unfair. From the inside, it usually looks like people trying to make the safest decision they can with limited information.

Those two perspectives can exist at the same time.

✦ ✧ ✦

When a role appears out of nowhere

I remember another moment when a manager casually mentioned a friend’s contact. They had just finished their master’s and were looking for a job. At the time, there was no open role, no hiring plan, no job posting anyone could point to.

A few conversations later, a role existed.

Not because the business had suddenly identified a critical gap, but because someone trusted someone else and thought, maybe we can make this work.

It wasn’t framed as unfair or intentional favouritism. No one said it out loud that way. And this isn’t how most roles are filled.

But it just…happens. Quietly, almost naturally, in the way many workplace decisions do.

There was no competitive process. No stack of CVs. No long discussion about interview feedback or team fit.

They didn’t win against hundreds of applicants. They never entered the race in the first place.

And once you’ve seen this happen a few times, it changes how you look at applying altogether.

✦ ✧ ✦

Why applying online can feel so discouraging

A lot of career advice still assumes a very linear system.

Put in effort, show merit, get results. But often, hiring doesn’t move in a straight line.

A role might be opened publicly, applications collected, interviews planned and at the same time, conversations are happening in parallel. Someone knows someone. A name comes up. A recommendation adds context.

The job posting is real. The process is real. But proximity, trust and timing can still shape how things move forward (especially in a tight or uncertain market!).

That tension between the formal process and the informal one is what people are usually referring to when they talk about the hidden job market.

It isn’t secret or illegal. It’s just informal, human and rarely explained out loud.

How I started thinking differently about networking

For a long time, I thought networking meant asking for favours. That framing made me uncomfortable, so I avoided it. I told myself the process had to be fair in a very strict sense and that reaching out meant I hadn’t earned it.

What changed my mind was being on both sides.

I’ve been the person who needed help, sometimes just a conversation, a referral or a bit of guidance. Even when it didn’t lead to an offer, it still mattered. It made the process feel less isolating.

And I’ve been on the other side too, happy to help someone who reached out, simply because I remembered how heavy job searching can feel.

Seeing hiring from the inside made the rest click. So much of it happens through conversations that never make it into a job posting.

That’s when my definition of networking shifted.

You can message people. Even if it feels awkward. Even if most messages go unanswered.

You don’t need a perfect pitch. And the worst-case scenario is being ignored, which, honestly?!, is easier to recover from than a long interview process leading nowhere.

At least here, there’s upside, a real chance of finding something new.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

If any of this made you uncomfortable, that makes sense.

Most of us were taught that if we worked hard, kept our heads down and followed the process, things would eventually work out. For a long time, that belief felt safer than questioning how things actually move behind the scenes.

Seeing hiring from the inside didn’t make me cynical. It made me more compassionate toward the system and toward myself.

Because when things don’t move, it’s not always a reflection of your effort, your talent or your worth.

Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s information you never had access to. Sometimes it’s simply that you weren’t in the room when a conversation happened.

That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It just means the rules are more human and more uneven than we’re usually told.

So yes, send the message. Connect with someone by telling them what you genuinely admire about their role, the path they’ve taken or their company.

If you’d ever seen my cold-emails during a job search, you’d probably cringe. I do too. Honestly, most of them went nowhere.

But some didn’t. Some people replied. Some took the time to help. Some opened doors I didn’t even know existed. I’ll always be grateful for that.

That’s how things actually move. ✨

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

I’ve added a short poll below as well, just to get a sense of how familiar this topic was. 💌

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They all mean well, but a lot of the job search advice being handed out right now is… outdated.

Because hiring in 2026 does not work the way it did even two or three years ago.

And if you’ve been applying, interviewing or refreshing LinkedIn wondering “is it just me?”, it’s not.

I’ve seen what this looks like from the inside. And I want to tell you what’s actually happening, without the guilt or the “just try harder” energy.

Here’s what’s actually happening when a role opens right now

A job goes live. The application count jumps fast. It looks brutal.

But that number doesn’t mean what it feels like.

From the inside, a big chunk of those applications never even make it past the first screen.

Wrong location. No work authorization. No relevant experience. Mass applications sent to anything with a decent salary because bills don’t wait.

So when you see “100+ applicants” on Linkedin, it’s not 100 equally competitive people going head-to-head with you.

At the same time, the pool is crowded and uneven. People with more experience applying below their level. People applying fast because waiting isn’t an option.

That pressure is why processes drag, roles get paused and three interview rounds suddenly turn into five.

Not because you did something wrong. Because the system is under strain.

✦ ✧ ✦

What does this mean for you, right now?

I know it feels personal, but it isn’t.

Most of what’s happening right now has very little to do with your capability.

You can apply, wait, hear nothing… and still be doing things right.

That’s why advice like “try harder” or “maybe your CV isn’t strong” misses the point.

If this feels harder than it used to, it’s because it is.

Annoying? Absolutely. Useful to know? 100%.

✦ ✧ ✦

So what actually helps:

Not doing more. Doing things more intentionally.

1. Be faster than you think you need to be

Right now, speed matters more than volume.

Apply early. Reply to recruiters the same day when you can.

If you’re invited to a first call, try to take it before “sometime next week” turns into “role on hold.”

This isn’t about being desperate. It’s about momentum. And momentum gets noticed.

2. Specific beats perfect every time

Generic CVs disappear fast.

Not because they’re bad, but because they don’t give the hiring team a clear reason to remember you.

The ones that move forward are clear about why this role, this team, this moment makes sense.

You don’t need to be perfect for the job or rewrite your whole CV every time. But you do need to be understandable.

If someone can’t quickly explain why you make sense for the role, they won’t fight for you.

3. Potential alone isn’t carrying as much weight right now

This one is uncomfortable, but important.

In tighter markets, teams lean toward lower risk.

That means they often lean toward candidates who feel easier to plug in.

That doesn’t mean you’re behind. It means you have to help people see how your experience already translates.

Don’t just list responsibilities. Show outcomes, decisions you made, things you owned.

Teams want to see how you’ve already solved a version of their problem, not just that you could.

4. Don’t read the market as a reflection of your worth

You can be qualified, prepared, thoughtful, and still not get the role.

You can do everything “right” and still be affected by timing, budget freezes, internal candidates or last-minute changes.

I’ve seen offers pulled after final rounds. I’ve seen roles closed overnight.

That doesn’t erase your capability. Not even a little.

5. Use the system as it is, not as you wish it were

Yes, it’s competitive. Yes, expectations are higher. Yes, sometimes timing and luck play a role.

That doesn’t mean you’re powerless. Clarity beats volume and strategy beats spiraling.

Focus on being easy to understand, easy to remember, and easy to advocate for.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister note

If job searching right now has you thinking, “Is it me?”, “It shouldn’t be this hard”, “Am I missing something?”

You’re not. And you’re not.

This market is noisy, crowded and a little unhinged.

That doesn’t mean you need to work yourself into the ground or spiral after every rejection.

What actually helps is learning how the system works right now and playing accordingly.

With clarity and with intention.

You’re not failing the process. The process is just… a lot.

So yes. We laugh. We cry. Then we adapt.

Because spiraling never got anyone hired. And no, refreshing LinkedIn every 10 minutes does not count as strategy.

✦ ✧ ✦

And because a lot of this is easier to talk through one-to-one, I’m opening a few free 30-minute chats as a small way to give back.

If you want to sense-check an application, an interview or just say something out loud that’s been sitting in your head, just reply to this email or message me on Substack. I read every one. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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I believed it too.

If I do my job well. Stay reliable. Go above and beyond. And keep my head down.

Eventually, it will speak for itself.

And then one day, you’re hit with “Meets expectations”. Or “Thank you so much for your hard work” without any conversation about growth, pay or what’s next.

That’s the moment I started paying attention.

✦ ✧ ✦

Have you noticed that colleague?

The one who always talks about how full their plate is. Who narrates every single challenge in meetings, every deadline, every fire they put out. (You know the one.)

They’re not necessarily doing more work. They’ve just learned how to make their work visible.

And once I saw it from the inside, I realized something important:

This isn’t about being louder or more self-promotional, or becoming someone you’re not.

It’s about learning how to translate what you already do into language the system rewards.

Here’s what I mean.

“Helped with X task” disappears in a calibration meeting. “Led X, which resulted in Y for the company” sticks.

“Things stayed on track” sounds nice. “Prevented a delay that would have cost time, money or trust” changes the conversation.

Same work. Different clarity.

✦ ✧ ✦

If you’ve ever felt confused watching a colleague with similar skills move ahead faster, this is usually why.

Not because they were better. But because their work was easier to advocate for.

Someone showed them what to highlight. What to repeat. What actually lands in decision rooms.

Careers don’t move forward on effort alone. They move forward when effort is translated into language the system understands.

And that’s exactly why I’m here.

To show you what to focus on. How to name your work. And how to get ahead of the curve without changing who you are.

✦ ✧ ✦

So here’s a simple way to do it

Whenever you talk about your work, don’t stop at what you did.

Go one step further and explain what changed because of it and why that change mattered.

What I did → What changed → Why it mattered

So instead of saying:

“I helped with X.”

Say:

“I led a key part of the X project, removed blockers as they came up and helped the team deliver on time with less back-and-forth.”

Or:

“I managed the day-to-day work in a way that kept things running smoothly and freed up time for others to focus on higher-priority work.”

Same work. Different framing.

And if your work can be repeated when you’re not in the room, it can be rewarded.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big sister Note

Once you start doing this, you’ll notice something else.

The people who seem to “take control” of meetings aren’t always the busiest or the most capable. They’re usually the ones who narrate their work in real time.

They say things like:

“I’m happy to take this on so it doesn’t slow the team down”, or “I’ve been juggling a few priorities here, but this one is handled”, or “I’m stepping in so we don’t lose momentum.”

They’re not bragging. They’re helping the room understand their impact.

If the only time someone hears about your work is when it’s finished and quiet, it’s much easier for it to disappear later.

That’s when you realize it’s not confidence that separates people. It’s visibility.

Your work should matter. And systems tend to reward what they can clearly see, explain and repeat.

That’s often the difference between being appreciated and being promoted.

So now you know how it actually works.

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

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“Why are you leaving your current role?”

It sounds straightforward. Reasonable, even.

But the moment it’s asked, the mental spiral begins.

Should I be honest? Should I keep it vague so I don’t sound negative? Should I say the real reason… or the “acceptable” reason? What if this makes me look difficult or disloyal?

And suddenly, a simple question turns into a high-stakes moment.

But here’s the truth:

The problem isn’t that you don’t know why you’re leaving.

It’s that this question often pulls us into explaining too much, focusing on what we want to leave instead of where we want to go.

✦ ✧ ✦

First truth: this question is not about your reasons

When an interviewer asks why you’re leaving, they’re not looking for the full backstory.

They don’t need the office politics, the late nights or every detail that led you here.

What they’re really listening for is how you talk about change.

Can you explain a decision clearly? Can you talk about what’s next, instead of staying focused on what didn’t work?

From the hiring side, this answer is less about where you’re coming from and more about whether your move makes sense.

You are not on trial. You are explaining a career move.

The goal is simple: give a clear, forward-looking explanation that helps the person across from you understand your decision, without turning this moment into a therapy session.

Second truth: your answer quietly predicts how you’ll experience the new environment

This question isn’t only about explaining your past. It’s also a quiet fit-check for what comes next.

When you answer, the interviewer is starting to imagine you in their environment.

You don’t have to say things directly for them to come through.

If you emphasise wanting more structure, they’re thinking about how structured this team actually is. If you talk about needing guidance or clarity, they’re picturing how this manager really works day to day.

This isn’t about pretending or saying the “right” thing.

It’s about being honest in a way that helps both sides understand the match.

Because the fastest way to end up unhappy again is to leave one environment for a reason… and step into a new one that operates in the exact same way.

So don’t just explain what you’re leaving.

Make it clear what you’re moving toward and why this role (hopefully) makes sense for that.

✦ ✧ ✦

Use this structure to keep your answer forward-looking

You only need three things:

1. What you’ve learned or gained in your current role

2. What you’re ready for next

3. And why this role fits that next step

That’s it.

You don’t need to justify your past or defend your decision. And you don’t need to bring every feeling into the answer.

This just helps you keep the focus on what’s next.

✦ ✧ ✦

What that actually sounds like

Instead of saying:

“I love my team, but there were some challenges and I didn’t feel like there was growth and I wasn’t sure if things would change...”

Try something like this:

“I’ve learned a lot in my current role, especially around (skills or exposure you gained). Over time, I realized I’m ready for a position where I can (what you want more of: scope, impact, ownership, growth).

This role stood out because it lines up with the kind of work I want to be doing next, with more room to grow and make an impact.”

Same reason. Just said clearly.

Big Sister Note

Wanting more doesn’t make you disloyal and wanting something different doesn’t make you negative.

And you don’t have to stay somewhere that no longer fits just to look professional.

“Why are you leaving?” isn’t a judgment of who you are.

It’s just a moment to explain a decision you’ve already thought through.

Say it calmly. Say it clearly. That’s enough. ✨

If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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That quiet day where nothing new really starts, but everything feels like it’s about to.

Before we jump into resolutions, plans and the pressure to “start fresh” I wanted to pause here.

Because not everyone is ending the year with a promotion, a raise or a headline moment.

And honestly? That’s far more common than LinkedIn would have you believe.

This year still counts, even if it didn’t turn out the way you imagined.

It counts if you stayed in a job you’ve outgrown because it felt like the practical choice. If the raise didn’t happen. If you’ve been quietly thinking about what comes next. If you kept showing up, no matter what.

You’re still here. You kept moving. And yes, that counts.

✦ ✧ ✦

I started writing these letters because I kept having the same conversations with women.

About work. Money. Confidence. And that quiet question of who you’re even allowed to ask.

Different paths. Same questions.

And I realized how rarely we say these things out loud. So I wanted a place where those questions could exist without judgment.

Where you don’t have to have all the answers to be welcome.

✦ ✧ ✦

I didn’t want to end the year with advice. Just this.

Sometimes, all it takes is realizing you’re not the only one figuring things out as you go.

Your career doesn’t have to be an isolated path. You don’t have to be afraid to ask for clarity, a raise or more from your work. If you’re still navigating, you’re not behind.

Thank you for being here. For reading. For reflecting. For showing up.

I’ll see you in the new year. ✨ And remember, you’re doing better than you think.

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

That’s the noise right now and it’s a lot. Not because we can’t keep up or because we are doing something wrong.

But because suddenly there’s a new tool, new rules and a thousand opinions on how you’re “supposed” to use it.

So let’s do something simple. I want to show you how to use AI for your job search in a way that actually helps.

First truth: using AI is not cheating and you should be using it

If you’re job searching, you’ve probably already used ChatGPT for things like:

“Can you make this CV bullet match the job title?”, “Help me write a follow-up to a recruiter”, “Is this salary range realistic?”, “Can you make this cover letter sound more natural?’ and the list goes on.

That’s normal and honestly, it makes sense. The problem isn’t using AI.

The problem is copying what it gives you and sending it without questioning it.

Because from the hiring side, those answers start to blend together fast.

They’re polished. They’re confident. And identical to dozens of other applications.

AI works best when it helps you think more clearly and speak more directly.

Not when it smooths out your experience until it could belong to anyone.

✦ ✧ ✦

Second truth: hiring teams can usually tell when AI is doing the talking

Not because they’re anti-AI. Most of them use it too.

It’s because the same phrases keep showing up everywhere.

The same “I am excited to leverage my transferable skills” energy.

And when everything sounds the same, nothing stands out.

The good news is this is easy to fix. You don’t need to stop using AI, you just need to make it your assistant, not your voice.

✦ ✧ ✦

So here’s what to do instead

Stop asking AI to write for you. Start using it to think with you.

A simple rule I use every time is this: clarify, then refine.

First, tell AI what you’re trying to say in your own words, even if it’s messy.

Then ask it to help you tighten it, shorten it or make it clearer.

Before you send anything, pause and ask one question:

“Could I say this out loud without cringing?” If not, rewrite it.

✦ ✧ ✦

Here’s exactly how to use it

✨For your CV

Instead of asking: “Write my CV”

Try this:

“Here’s my experience and the job description. Help me figure out which parts matter most for this role and how to phrase them clearly.”

Then read it back and ask one more thing: “What sounds vague here?”.

Most people skip this step. It’s also where the difference is made.

✨For your cover letter

Instead of asking:“Write my cover letter”

Try this:

“Here’s my experience and the role I’m applying for. Help me figure out which parts matter most for this job and how to explain them clearly.”

Read it out loud. If it sounds robotic or like something you’d never say in a real conversation, adjust it.

AI can help with structure, but you give the tone.

✨For follow-ups and messages

Instead of asking AI to write the whole thing, try:

“Here’s what I want to say. Help me make it sound clear and confident, not awkward.”

That keeps the message human and it keeps you in control.

✦ ✧ ✦

How to get better answers from ChatGPT (this matters more than you think)

One thing that changed everything for me is how I talk to it.

If I just paste something in and say “make this better” the output is fine. But when I slow down and guide it a bit, the difference is huge.

Here are prompts I actually use and recommend:

• Before answering, ultra-think. Ask me 1-2 clarifying questions if needed

• What could go wrong if I send this as is? List the top 3 risks

• Does this sound like a real person or AI? (Yes, I know. Asking AI if it sounds like AI!?!?)

• Make this clearer, not longer. Keep the meaning, cut the extra

• Rewrite this in a confident, natural tone. No overly polished phrases

• If anything sounds like “any candidate could say this” flag it and rewrite it

Sometimes I’ll even say:

Search the web and base this on real examples, not generic advice.

That one alone changes the quality a lot. You’re basically telling ChatGPT how to think, not just what to write.

And once you do that, the answers stop sounding generic and start sounding useful.

✦ ✧ ✦

Big Sister note

I chose to write about this because you asked about using AI and I could feel the hesitation behind the questions.

Not fear exactly. More like, “Am I doing this right?”. So here’s what I want you to hear clearly.

You’re not cutting corners for using AI. You’re not less capable for wanting help thinking things through. And you don’t need to prove anything before you’re “allowed” to use the tools available to you. BUT please don’t fall into the trap.

Used well, AI doesn’t replace your judgment. It sharpens it.

You already bring the experience, the instincts and the context.

You don’t need to master this perfectly. You just need to use it intentionally. 💅🏼

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “I wish you talked about X next” reply and tell me what X is. That’s genuinely how I decide what to write about.

You can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack. I read every one. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

And somehow a simple question becomes an existential crisis.

But the problem isn’t you.

It’s that nobody ever shows us how to tell our story in a way that feels honest and confident at the same time.

First truth: this question is not about your life story

When an interviewer says “Tell me about yourself” they’re not asking for your childhood, your full CV or a play-by-play of every role you’ve ever had.

They’re also not testing your memory.

What they’re really asking is much simpler: why are you here, and why should we keep listening?

From the hiring side, this question helps us understand how you see yourself. What you choose to highlight. Whether you understand the role you’re interviewing for. And whether you can connect your experience to what actually matters.

This isn’t about bragging or finding the “perfect” answer. It’s about clarity, confidence, and positioning yourself as a strong fit.

And yes, women tend to overthink this question far more than they need to.

I’ve seen it happen again and again.

✦ ✧ ✦

Second truth: women answer this question more carefully than necessary

When women answer “Tell me about yourself” the instinct is usually to be thoughtful.

We add context. We explain. We soften.

That instinct isn’t a flaw. It comes from wanting to be accurate, considerate, and fair.

But here’s the shift that matters: this question doesn’t reward likability.

It rewards clarity. And clarity is what makes interviewers remember you. It’s what makes your story stick.

And it’s what gets you to the next round.

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So here’s what to do

Stop treating “Tell me about yourself” as an open-ended question. It isn’t.

Think of it as a one-minute positioning statement.

And please don’t try to memorize it word for word or read it off notes during the call. We can tell. It usually makes you sound less confident, not more.

Instead, know the structure so well that it feels natural.

Use this every time:

• who you are professionally right now

• what you do well

• what you’re looking for next and why this role fits

That’s it. No childhood. No apologies. No detours.

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Here’s what that actually sounds like

Instead of saying:

“I studied X, then I did a bit of this, then I helped with that, and I’m still figuring things out.”

Try this (60-second version):

“I have a few years of experience working in (field), mainly focused on (core area of work). I started in a more hands-on role where I worked on (key responsibilities), which helped me build strong skills in (relevant skills).

Over time, I took on more ownership in (next level of responsibility or focus), working closely with (teams or certain stakeholders) to (impact you had). Most recently, I worked in (type of environment), which strengthened my ability to (transferable skills).

I’m now looking for a role where I can (what you want to do next) and this position stood out because (why this role and company fits you.)”

Same background. Same experience. Just clearer, more confident and easier for the interviewer to follow.

✦ ✧ ✦

A quick note on what not to do

Keep it focused.

You don’t need turn this into a life timeline where you talk for five minutes straight and the recruiter has to interrupt you to get things back on track.

Share what’s relevant, skip the justifications, and trust that if something matters, they’ll ask.

And let me tell you this from the hiring side: when you interview twenty people for the same role, most answers blur together.

What stands out is not more detail. It’s a clear story.

When you lead with focus and relevance, you give interviewers something to remember you by.

And that’s what moves you forward.

Big Sister Note

You are not too much for speaking clearly about yourself.

You are not arrogant for leading with your strengths.

And you are not required to earn the right to sound confident.

“Tell me about yourself” is not a test of humility. It’s a chance to set the tone.

Say it like you belong in the room. BECAUSE YOU DO.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I wish you talked about X next” reply and tell me what X is. That’s genuinely how I decide what to write about.

You can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack. I read every one. ✨

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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And from years inside HR, here’s the truth:

Most women are not underpaid because they’re “too shy.”

They get underpaid because nobody ever showed them how to answer the question that sets the entire tone of the offer.

First truth: you are allowed to ask for their range first

Recruiter: “So…what are your salary expectations?”

You: “That’s something I also wanted to ask. What range are you working with?”

This isn’t’ rude. This isn’t “pushy.” This is alignment.

And yes, women hesitate to do this way more than men.

I watched it happen every single week.

✦ ✧ ✦

Second truth: recruiters sometimes don’t know the exact number yet, so if they hesitate it’s not about you

Here’s what it looks like behind the scenes:

Budgets changing. Hiring managers disagreeing. Job opened yesterday. Leadership not aligned. Spreadsheet chaos.

When they hesitate, it is NOT a sign you asked something wrong. It’s usually a sign that they don’t have an exact number yet.

✦ ✧ ✦

So here’s what you do before the call

Search the job title in your city. Check the job ad in case the range is hidden somewhere. Google the company. Ask ChatGPT if you want a rough benchmark.

Pick three numbers:

• the lowest you’d actually accept

• the number you want

• the “I would happily sign today” number

You won’t say all three.

You pick them so fear stops making the decisions for you.

✦ ✧ ✦

If they they insist you go first

Use this:

“Based on my research and the responsibilities of the role, I’m targeting a range of X to Z depending on the overall package and benefits.”

Short. Calm. No essays.

No apologising. No “only if that’s okay with you…”

And when their range is lower than yours

You do not need to pretend it is fine. You can say:

“Thank you for sharing. That is a bit below what I am targeting.

For my experience and the responsibilities we discussed, I am looking closer to X.

Is there any flexibility at the top of your range or in the full package?”

If they cannot move at all, that is useful information. You just learned how they value the role.

✦ ✧ ✦

A note on who you should not negotiate with

Hiring managers. Team leads. Random people in the interview loop.

Not because they’re against you, but because they just don’t handle budgets.

Stick with the recruiter or HR. They’re the ones who actually know the numbers.

Big Sister Note

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop assuming you’re lucky to be considered.

If you’re interviewing, you’re already strong enough to be there.

Ask for the range. Say your number out loud. Let people respond to your reality, not your fear.

You’re not “too much” for wanting fair pay. You’re a woman in 2025 trying to afford her life.

And I promise you, once you learn how to navigate salary talks, you’ll never go back to whispering your worth.

If this made something click for you, I’m glad you’re here.

I’m building this for you sis and we are just getting started.

Letters drop every Tuesday. 💌

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I spent years inside HR and recruiting watching brilliant women question themselves for things they couldn’t have possibly known. Hiring processes that were confusing on purpose. Promotions that made no sense. Decisions that had nothing to do with talent. Job markets that felt impossible and made everyone feel behind.

You weren’t the problem. You were operating without information.

Here’s the real truth no one gives women early enough:

And once you see that, everything you’re feeling suddenly makes sense.

Feeling lost after a layoff. Feeling invisible during a job search. Feeling unsure in a new country. Feeling guilty for wanting more. Feeling like everyone else secretly knows how to do this.

These aren’t personal flaws. These are normal reactions to a system that expects you to figure things out alone.

✦ ✧ ✦

Inside urBigSister, you’ll get the context that finally makes real life make sense.

Think of it like sitting with a big sister who actually tells you the things HR and managers wish women understood but never say directly.

If you’ve ever sat there thinking something like: “How am I supposed to know all this already”, you’re exactly where you need to be.

Come inside.

Let’s make your career feel less like guesswork and more like something you actually have control over.

Subscribe to join urBigSister.

This is where things finally start making sense.