If everyone feels behind, maybe no one is
What happens when the rules change but expectations don’t
After writing about the hidden job market, I started getting the same kind of message again and again.
It wasn’t really “this market is awful”. It was about everything around it.
“I feel kind of helpless”.
“I think I chose the wrong path and now I’m trying to transition”.
“I feel behind everyone else, even though the market is clearly a mess”.
What struck me was how similar these messages were, even though they came from people with completely different backgrounds, industries and paths.
At some point, you realise this can’t all be personal.
Something bigger changed and no one told us.
Most of us grew up with a very clear script.
Get a good degree, find a solid job, stay there, build your life around it.
That story wasn’t really wrong. It just made sense for a different economy.
Now the math doesn’t add up the same way. Salaries haven’t caught up, everything costs more and jobs feel less stable than we were promised. Even the roles that look great on paper can come with cultures that slowly wear you down and make you feel a bit less like yourself.
And somehow, we still turn around and blame ourselves.
I keep seeing the same themes come up. Women who are smart, capable and exhausted. Replaying past choices. Debating whether to stay, leave or start over. Wanting a job, but not really wanting this version of work anymore.
What comes through most is confusion. And the feeling that somehow everyone else got the memo.
When the outcome we were promised doesn’t show up, we assume we’re late or that we missed something. But that’s not really it.
The rules changed.
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So what do we do instead?
First: stop trying to force your life into a timeline that doesn’t fit
“Am I behind?” is basically a trap question. It assumes there’s one correct schedule and you missed it.
A better question is: what am dealing with right now?
A market that’s all over the place. Jobs feeling way less stable than we were told. And a lot more uncertainty than anyone signed up for.
So you try something. It doesn’t work the way you hoped. You adjust.
This is just how things move now.
Second: stop panicking over every pause like it’s a career crime
Gaps. Pivots. Periods of confusion.
These aren’t signs you’ve ruined your chances. Most of the time, they mean you noticed something wasn’t working and chose to respond instead of staying stuck.
What matters more now isn’t having a perfectly polished story.
It’s being able to explain an imperfect one clearly.
Third: widen what you call progress
Progress isn’t only a new title or a promotion.
Sometimes it’s choosing less chaos. Sometimes it’s leaving a job that looked good but felt wrong. Sometimes it’s staying put while you get your energy back.
None of that looks impressive online. But it’s still progress!!!
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Stop getting stuck in the question “Is it just me?”
It really isn’t.
When this many people feel stuck at once, it’s not a coincidence.
What actually helps is adjusting expectations, having better language for what’s happening and being more honest about what this phase really looks like.
You don’t need the full plan. Just what makes sense to do this month.
That might look like updating your CV, or talking things through with someone you trust. Or applying to fewer roles, more intentionally. Or staying where you are for a bit and getting your energy back.
All of that counts.
And from the hiring side, this is usually where people do better: calmer and clearer about what they want.
Big sister note
Honestly? This moment of questioning your path isn’t a one-time thing.
Once it really sinks in that this is your life, things start to feel clearer.
No one is actually keeping score of when you change jobs, how long it takes to land the next one, or whether you switch paths or start over somewhere new.
Most people are too busy trying to keep their own lives together.
If you stop treating every career move like it defines you forever, you start showing up differently. More intentional and less panicked.
You’re not behind. You’re adapting.
That’s the skill now. (And yes, I’m absolutely adding it to my CV ✨)
If this brought something up for you, you can reply directly to this email or message me on Substack and tell me what you’re thinking. I read every one. ✨
And if you don’t feel like typing, I added a short poll below 👇